Awake, Aware, and in Awe of it all…

…and you may say to yourself, well, how did I get here??   …is it that it’s dark at 5 that I feel blah, or is it that it is Christmas decorating time and I have not decorated anything that I feel blah, is it that our island is in ruin and I feel like I am chasing my tail running in circles with so much to be done and not getting enough done each week that I feel blah, is it just that my hormones are a mess and I just had my 45th birthday 21 days ago that I feel blah…I have so many questions and not many answers.  This is new to me.  I was the girl who always got the “A” and the extra credit…I was the girl who always had answers.

There are some “messy” parts in my life at the moment, and the slightly O.C.D. natured parts of me do not like messes, of any sort.  I am aware, painfully and sleeplessly so, that the only person who can “fix” these messy bits is me.  I’d like to write that I’ve got a plan, detailed ideas of how to take action and clean it all up,one step at a time, one day at a time, one task at a time, but I don’t.  I don’t know where to begin.  I suppose noting that I have a bit of a mess on my hands is at least the first step.  I know people who literally have huge messes to clean; people whose lives are still being picked out of debris piles on streets, and sifted through sand piles in what was once their driveways, or plucked out of the wet marsh lands that surround the place where their houses once stood…my mess is more figurative, less clear…but I suppose,  when I think clearly about it, the clean-up is the same.  One piece at a time.  One step at a time…and so, another clean-up begins here at the Jersey shore…

Advertisements