Many changes are happening in my world at the same time and in a short span of time…I am at a loss for words as to how, or what, I feel about these changes. Are they expected? Well, yes, they are the “normal” life changes one expects…children grow up and become young adults and then leave their nests. I know this is normal and I know this is expected but neither knowing nor expecting is making this easier to “handle.” I only cried once so far, thinking about all of it, but there is a deep and heavy sadness in me that I would very much like to exorcise. I AM happy for my granddaughters. I AM enthusiastic and proud and joyful…I am feeling all of the good feels; both girls will be moving to New England for college in August. The eldest, who earned her Associate’s degree at community college, transferring as a junior to a University that has only a 49% transfer acceptance rate, so really I am OVER THE MOON for her. The youngest, starting her freshman year in an honors accelerated Master’s program, that is only offered to the top 15% of applicants, so really I am OVER THE MOON for her as well. I keep imagining them finishing school and starting their adult lives in Stars Hollow, and leaving the Jersey shore behind…

My excitement is genuine and my joy for them is pure. I AM however already feeling a strange tug, a pull if you will, of my spirit…I am constantly remembering the old days, churning up memories of when they were little; when I pulled splinters and thorns from fingers and feet, when training wheels came off, when surf boards were stood upon instead of kneeled on, when art projects covered the dining room table for hours on a Saturday, when tears were wiped and colds were tended to, and when dance routines and singing in clothes from the dress-up box was a daily event…so many memories that I do not want to forget…I won’t forget…

I have met and talked with women who, when they find out I live next door to my daughter, make me feel like the richest woman in the world…“I would give anything to have my granddaughters so close” is something I have heard more than a few times…and today there they are, close, but within two months they will not be my neighbors and while I do suspect that they will both come home for summers while in college, maybe they won’t…their lives are going to change so fast and so fully that what we all think might likely happen in the near future could very well be science fiction, in that nothing I think is how it’s going to be…I have written for years about how, when they were young, they would go back and forth from house to house as if my home was the west wing of theirs, in and out of my house like it was just another box of rooms but they had to run through some woods to get here, and to be honest, I can’t name with any certainty the last time either one of them was in my house, they were here for Christmas and one came for dinner not too long ago but it is no longer part of my everyday…it changed, time passed and they grew up and their habits to just be here “whenever” slowly ended… so slowly until everything was simply different and I suspect that this is my new life…knowing them as women, remembering them as wee-ones, and trying to make peace with how insignificant I am to them now. I want them to be settled, secure, stable, and strong, but more than anything I guess I want them to remember these last 17 years as neighbors…