I’m feeling that right now is a ‘now or never‘ point in my life…I know, I know, it’s old news and it’s been said and before, but…things that I really think I want to be different I need to make different OR I need to accept. Sort of like put-up or shut-up as it’s said. I’m not getting any younger, there is no way to add time to my meter. There are MANY things that I would do differently if I could do them over, and MANY things I would not do at all, if I could go ahead and just, well, un-do them…but that is not how life works. That is not how any of this works. There is no pink pearl eraser for our actions. There is no eraser to get rid of what you want to change. Remember that joy, as a kid, when you got a fresh new rectangular pink eraser, with Pink Pearl printed on it, for the new school year? Any mistake you made you could just erase away, blow off the paper, sharpen your pencil, and begin again. It was so easy to un-do what you changed your mind about or got wrong! To be clear, I am very well aware that I can begin again anytime, and I can write this til my fingers are numb, I can think this til my thinker is sore, and I can shout this from the rooftops til I have a frog in my throat, and still never change a single thing, but that’s my choice too, to act on the thoughts or not. We all have the choice to act in a way that brings us closer to peace, to erase and start over, or not.
If anything is itching at your soul and making you feel that you are not at peace, if any words are bouncing around in between your ears and making you feel that you are not at peace, if you’ve let people into your life and they’re making you feel that you are not at peace, isn’t now as good a time as any to erase these feelings of unease and move towards the comfort of a peaceful life? What are you waiting for? Do you think you’ve got time to keep waiting? The facts of your life up to now are the facts of your life up to now and they don’t change. How we perceive them, and how we go about working with, or against them, is what makes life tolerable, horrible, or enjoyable. Your story is what it is. Whether or not you accept the consequences or the results of these facts of your life is one way to measure the quality of your life, if that’s something you want to do. There is no pause, no stop, there’s no rewind button or backspace tab, there is no option to Ctrl/Alt/Delete in life. We can only go on, forward, move ahead, from here. Wherever ‘here’ is for you at this moment…we can’t go back to any point before right now, no matter how much you or I might wish that to be true…‘everything would be peaceful if only’…well, that isn’t an option…YOU ARE HERE. STARTING NOW. On your Marks, GET SET, GO. We can’t grab a fresh pink pearl and erase, smudge free, the mistakes, or undo the did and begin again…only in science fiction stories can we change what is done, what has happened thus far is the truth of our story. Wish all you want to the contrary, that’s the truth. Not my truth, THE truth. There is no pink pearl to undo what is finished. We can only go from here. It’s simple, and sounds simple but some fight it, some dwell on the “what ifs,” I know I sometimes do which serves no purpose whatsoever. Some “rue the day” over lots and lots of days, but it’s all for naught…now is from where we start. Each and every one of us has no other option to begin again than this moment right here.
You can certainly claim, or state with an authoritative level of certainty that something is true, and if it IS in fact true, nothing else matters. BUT if you are claiming something as true, but it’s really your interpretation of an event or situation then it’s not THE truth. It might be your truth, or it might be perceived as ‘something that is true’ by other people, but argue with me all you like, it is not the truth, it is your perception…the point I am so inelegantly trying to make is that we all have and live with our own truths and points of view, the consequences of our choices, the splendid luck, or in some cases the extreme misfortune of belonging to the families we grew from, BUT we also all live on this planet together where we have to juggle and move through the tangles of the truths and untruths of all our combined stories. We have to figure out the best way to tackle the day in a way that makes us feel happy, satisfied, joyful, complete…peaceful…whatever words you want to insert here are applicable, but there is no erase if we decide later that THIS is not what we wanted to do, or to have happen, but we’d rather it have been THAT…we have only here and now to begin another beginning. Say what you will about all this “starting over nonsense” but I personally think it’s awesome! ANY minute can be the minute that we start over. Any day we wake up could be the day that we change A, or B, and maybe C, or perhaps AB&C in one swoop. It doesn’t matter, it only matters that it’s our choice to act and to live and all we have is now, THIS life, this moment, this time in our bodies on this planet, and no pink pearl eraser can undo any of what is already done, we now just go on from wherever we are, however far we might be from where we wanted to be, planned to be, or hoped and wished and worked so hard for…none of it matters, it’s all just here and all just now and peace is right in front of us for the taking.
I fully admit and acknowledge that I’ve made some terrible choices and I don’t shy away in embarrassment over some of the dreadful decisions I’ve made. I have said some dreadful things and I have done some terrible things, and I am fully flawed. I suspect that anybody who claims they haven’t is either lying to me or lying to themselves, but that’s not the point of this story. I believe that when I seek peace, either in my thoughts, through my words, or evidenced by my behavior, I am creating a life that is as free as possible from discord. I also believe that despite how uneasy you may feel, how distressful your truth might be, seeking peace will bring you closer to where you want to be. You know those folks who always seem annoyed, or have continual drama, or are easily provoked to anger? I think they are constantly focusing on their irritants instead of their joys. I repeatedly see with my own eyes and hear with my own ears examples of this truth, that when we focus on what is disagreeable we drift further from harmony.
I spent Saturday afternoon with a group of 11 women; some I know better than others, one I did not know at all, and all of us playing different roles despite our closeness in age. Some of them have been in love with the same person for decades and some of them are still looking for the one to make their heart sing. Some of us had wallets that were bursting and some of us had wallets that were empty. Some of them have lost so much and some of them have lost so little. So many similarities among a dozen women, and yet so many differences…twelve individual women with twelve different truths and twelve unique paths to peace. All of us, despite our efforts and our choices, have a few things we would like to do better…next week, or next month, or maybe next year. No matter how good life is or how difficult, every one of us could make some modifications. I’m excited to think that even though there’s no pink pearl big enough for all the things some of us wish we could erase, there is a new line to call your starting line, ANYwhere you want it to be, and ANY day you want it to be, for all of us. Sure there can be next year, next week, later, or ‘not now, I’m not ready,’ OR there can be OKAY now! meaning? you guessed it, now is as good a time as any and it’s all any of us have. I don’t have many answers to the questions of how to make your life more peaceful or pleasant but my suggestion for you, and for me too, is to simply sharpen our pencils, and begin again.