I’ve ‘reinvented‘ myself many times in my adult life; played roles, some I liked and some I loathed, changed the way I thought, changed the way I looked, changed the way I cared for myself, or in some circumstances, didn’t. I have over the years of my life re-imagined myself countless times…always able to change a scenario in my head in order to get a feel for what might be my future, if only…if only I did what I thought about doing…It is time for some changes, it is time for some reinvention, it is time to make the idea of what can be, be.
In my past there were so many variables…so many things at once that needed changing, that I felt like I could dream it, always, but never TOTALLY succeed, but things have changed…When I was young there was the worry over whether I was doing a fine or poor job raising my child, worry over getting good grades in college, worry over working enough hours to cover my expenses, then years later the worry over if I sold my house where would I go, the worry over my daughter living an 8 hour drive away and what if she needed me…always so much on my mind that the ME was always pushed to the bottom of the list. I found I was continuously and consciously putting the needs of others ahead of my own, and I suppose, any mother will tell me, that’s simply how it is supposed to be.
Things were different then, all is different now…things have changed. My child is grown, my work is fulfilling, my house is built, the grand-babies live right next door…I am at a point in my timeline where I can focus on me, 100% if I so choose. This is exciting and daunting simultaneously…because, there is no longer an excuse for NOT putting myself; my wants, my needs & my wishes, to the top of my list. I have run out of excuses as to why I do not force myself to make changes that need to be made, or to put my well-being & contentment first and foremost on my ‘life-list,’ I do not have to care for anybody but myself, if I so choose. I do not have to do anything for anyone that I do not want to do. I know people my age with toddlers and children in grade school, I am done with having to care for someone, and am free to choose to care, and they are completely different…I am obligated to no one, but myself. It is time to love me as much as I have loved others… It is time to transform, again…necessity is the mother of invention. This is liberating and this is terrifying.