So I watch Joel Osteen on most Sunday mornings now. Yes, this frequently questioning, self-proclaimed Agnostic/Pagan-ish kind of woman is now moved, often to tears, by a thick haired southern drawled preacher man televised from Texas. The other morning he talked about how when life seems “off” or unfair and we are on our way to big pity-parties, it is because we are focused on the one ingredient of our recipe of this life that perhaps is not right, rather than on the final product. He gets me to thinking about the choices I have made and how the consequences of some of those choices so often left me feeling low, low, low.
I still do not see myself ever believing anything I was taught in catechism but I actually find that I am comforted each Sunday in the idea that maybe there is “something” way bigger than what I think I know, and if there is some sort of plan for me which I do not have a say in, I hope I have been a good enough human that I am deserving of a pretty nice final product.
When I think about the recipe for a “happy life” it generally includes all of what I have; parents who love me, an affectionate partner who is my best friend, a child who makes me proud, her children who adore me and light up my life every day, a beautiful house where I feel content and at home, and work that pays the bills and fulfills me. If I could add a pinch of travel and a dash of more play time, maybe a skosh of more money and a tad less stress, I’d say here in south Jersey is a woman who has all the ingredients for a good life, a happy life.
I was blue, green actually (that monster envy is an asshole) over the last month or so, upset by things that have absolutely nothing really to do with me, and angry over things that I truly need not be riled about, and generally just feeling “wrong.” So a few nights ago as I was drifting off to sleep I started that soul searching journey that I so cherish, trying to figure out why I was thinking what I was thinking, and feeling what I was feeling, and I came to the conclusion that all of the blue and green thoughts were pointless, that in fact, I have everything I asked of the universe last year.
A few years ago a friend turned me onto that book and dvd ‘The Secret’ which basically suggests that if we are specific about what we want in our life, and if we create that life in our thoughts, it will become our life. After my awful year in 2011 I realized that I had not been specific enough, because in actuality, I did get exactly what I had “wished” for, so last spring I began the new recipe for what I wanted, and this time was much more specific and much less vague…I adjusted my thoughts and visions accordingly and the night before last came to the realization that it is all here…each thing/characteristic/detail that I had been longing for, and was asking of the universe, I got. Maybe I had the recipe for a happy life all along, but was looking in the wrong cookbook,or wasn’t properly measuring my ingredients. Regardless, I am delighted by the result.