soul puzzle

I’ve been happy for six months and six days.  It is perhaps the longest continuous run I have had with this emotion.  I still have highs and lows now and then, fears and worries, I suppose everybody does, but I have not been in this state of perpetual bliss, for this length of time, ever.  This is the sixth “serious” relationship of my life and the 6th time I have been “in love” and I have decided that I need nothing more.  If we last, and grow together through time in this relationship, or if it ends and we go our separate ways, I will be content that I have loved enough.

I was thinking about that term “soul mates” last night; through the few relationships I’ve had, I’ve often thought about the missing pieces of my life and how I like to think a person brings to me what is lacking, thus making me whole, like a puzzle, when I feel less-than or incomplete.  I’ve tried to fit people into my empty spaces and despite my great efforts at self-deception, nobody ever really quite fit…or they would fit for the first few weeks or maybe even a month, but inevitably something would happen, or something would be said, or some behavior would present itself  and show me that the piece would not ever fit, but because I so dearly love  the idea of being “in love” I would trick myself into believing things would change, or improve, or I could change enough to mold myself around a piece that did not precisely fit my puzzle.  I think if the term “soul mate” can be defined, at least for me, it means a piece that fits me, totally and completely, with no ragged edges, warped sides, or bended corners and that my soul is filled up in all the previously empty spots, and I did not have to morph myself in any uncomfortable way to accommodate its shape or shadow.

I’ve never done a jigsaw puzzle.  My sister is the queen of them…she does ones with 1000 pieces and always finishes them, perfectly.  I’ve done many soul puzzles, and every time they were not quite flat, or straight, or square, or had gaps where pieces should have found a home…My soul puzzle is not so puzzled anymore…all the pieces fit, just right.

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